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Ade on Aberystwyth

"'Situated in mediterranean Wales and enjoying a tropical climate, Aberystwyth offers Britain's largest and best-funded University, where students enjoy world class education and as much scholarship money, opulent luxury and wild sex as they can stand.'"

Ade on shared accommodation

"To save margarine, open the tub and sneeze loudly into it in front of all your flatmates; this discourages theft."

Ade on educational sponsorship

"Henceforth it will be known as the University of Persil, Aberystwyth, motto: `Brighter students in brighter whites.'"

Ade on course reading lists

"'Mandatory': books the lecturer has had published."

Ade on drug abuse

"...Rich people on drugs are considered irrelevant rather than a problem; for one thing, their parents might be MPs."

Ade on Creativity

"Why should I bust my gut to create something of beauty and exquisite metaphor just so that years after my premature death people can say, 'Oh yes, isn't it marvellous?! He starved to death in a flea-infested bedsit in Penparcau, you know.'"

Ade on university finance

"...No one's seen any of the paperwork apart from the Principal, who's got it all buried in the garden in case the fraud squad make a bust."

Ade on student elections

"At this point, St John's Ambulance men were kind enough to revive me from an imminent coma, particularly in view of their heavy workload that night."

Ade on a downward spiral

"I was frustrated, trapped and desperate. With the aid of several copies of Nude Librarians Monthly, I was able to relieve the former but it was only a partial solution and now my underwear needed laundering too."

Ade on swinging

"Orgy: Worthwhile alternative when you're at a party and someone says, 'Let's play Pictionary!'"

Ade on relationships

"Sometimes celibacy is essential just to freshen your outlook, I think. It's a period of re-evaluation, and sometimes that does involve staying up all night sobbing and holding the valium bottle in shaking hands."

"You always hurt the one you love, particularly if you attack them with a large kitchen knife."

All this plus: Newly written preface and brand new epilogue article! A sick quip about Marilyn Monroe! At least four gratuitous Doctor Who references! Front and back covers included in price! And effective barrier contraception!

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Posted by Ade at 2nd January 2007 1:00 PM |
Last updated at 28 February 2012 10:13 AM | Reply