Somewhere,
In,
Cheshire,
XX99 9XX

Your ref: X999XXX

Dear Mr Gillings,

You cannot appreciate the magnitude of my surprise and incredulity when, a few months after booking my car in for a regular service, I received your letter confirming my membership of thr Mobil 1 Track Record initiative. Imagine, a club exclusively for people who use the same brand of oil in their cars as I do! Duckhams must be kicking themselves for their lack of foresight.

Can I ever adequately express my gratitude for the faux logbook, stylish tax disc and admonitory dipstick tag. The long winter evenings will simply fly by as I spend happy hours filling in my logbook entries and service update cards. Presumably, you would recommend an oil change and service on a regular basis, perhaps weekly? In that case, please send more cards and an A4 sized logbook soon.

I was intrigued to read that the logbook and its evidence of regular servicing with "the World's Most Advanced Engine Oil" (not merely the liquified remains of prehistoric trees and bugs) could add to the resale value of my car. Do you have any hard figures to demonstrate this claim, or perhaps a guide to the additional premium I could reasonably expect? It may compensate for the fact that I haven't washed it since April.

So what can we Mobil 1 Track Record members expect in the near future? At the very least, a loyalty card, surely. Perhaps a regular newsletter devoted to your engine oil, its incredible lubricatory properties, golden colour, creamy head and malty taste. You could call it Slick , and run features on correct pouring technique, special offers for Mobil-branded oil cans or interviews with famous Mobil 1 users. Maybe that drummer bloke from Pink Floyd uses it in his racing cars? I assume you've already signed up all those Grand Prix drivers whose vehicles are plastered with Mobil logos. (I wouldn't like to process all their service update cards!)

I simply can't believe I'm in a club devoted to engine oil, nor that my local service department would sign me up for this honour without needing to ask. Heck, I think I need a stiff drink...and I know just what I'm going to knock back!

Yours faithfully,

A. Rixon

PS. You got my registration wrong too, but I guess the world's most advanced engine oil can tell you the correct one itself.

No reply yet. :-(
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