The magazine for people who like BIG WEB
DAEMON! is your regular HTTP packet carrying features and articles
on the only thing that matters in your life: coping with more hits
than any one planet could ever generate. If your idea of social
justice is herding Internet Explorer users into cattle trucks, if
you've been to jail for your belief in highly optimised Perl, and if
you feel that bigger is not only better, it's a sign of rampant
fertility, you won't want to miss a single issue of DAEMON!
This month's contents
- War And Pieces
- When Bob Schmidt first ran his new CGI script, it killed his
boss, destroyed his workplace and took his wife and children
hostage. Six months later as he attempts to rebuild his shattered
life, he tells DAEMON! why he doesn't regret any of it.
- Bend Over And Take It Like A Man
- Six Webmeisters tell us why they get off on running big Web
- Crawling Up The Greasy Pipe()
- Melissa Frodenburg used to surf the net with Enhanced Mosaic
under Windows 3.1. Now she routes mains electricity through the
North American backbone to sites that use Netscape extensions in
their HTML. Editor Sam Wheatley dons hardhat and riot shield and
dares to ask her if she still wears short skirts.
- Content Schmontent
- Dan Gleisner claims that serving 50Gb Cray core dumps should
be good enough for anyone, and blasts sites that try to impart
useful information as a bunch of mommies boys wearing ribbons.
- Hardwearing Hardware
- It took him three years but Joe Mategna finally managed to
install Kong httpd on a South American nuclear power plant. Now
he's holding the whole country to ransom and gets as much cocaine
as he wants. He tells us why PC-based Web serving is for pussies
and what sort of high-end kit you should really be looking at,
including spy satellites, broadcast stations and armoured
- Death To All Infidels
- After watching his gateway router go up in flames, killing a
junior technician, Fred Forshaw's resolve stiffened and so did a
few other things. The latest iteration of his Krakatoa httpd
regularly claims the lives of pale, young network engineers. He
reveals his secret TCP parameters and promises to shoot in cold
blood anyone who steals them.
- DO IT Yourself
- When Dave Teharny first ran NCSA 1.3, he worried that its
performance would attract glances from butch men in leather. So he
rewired it. Now it demands regular sacrifices of firstborn sons
just to rotate the logs.
- Die Monster Die
- Phillip van Weasel of BrownPants Corp introduces the company's
latest Web daemon and promises it will take out your entire
network for six weeks.
- There Goes The Neighbourhood
- DAEMON! roadtests six httpds running under FreeBSD and then
soaks the hardware in gasoline and torches it because no one could
- Me And A Gun
- Gaping Hole Ltd promise that when their Viking WebCrawler
visits your site, it doesn't just index the content, it rapes and
pillages it. Mad Joe Johnson runs it against ten of his least
favourite sites and speculates that it may be like watching
everything you ever cared about in the world being napalmed while
you're tied up and helpless to do anything.
- Madbastard Technologies chairman eats five Pentium servers at
launch of new product; FatPipe Inc says, "Come and try our new
server if you think you're 'ard enough!"; Plus: why still running
Apache probably means you're impotent and were bullied at school.
- Why defending the right to bear arms goes with running a big
Web server; CERN line browser is still the best; Plus: are all
Apache users big girls in gingham?
- Talking Dirtywith the Sunabomber
- This month the man who watches Lynx users bleed to death for
kicks shows you how to code Perl objects with a little assistance
- Grumpy, Self-opiniated Troll
- Zak Mularky, our resident columnist, looks forward to the
forthcoming meltdown of the entire Internet when he boots up his
latest search engine, and explains why Netscape developers can
suck his parts.
- Big End Piece
- Industry gossip: does Bill Gates need supervising on the
toilet? Plus: we join the Madbastard Technologies board on a night
out in downtown Beirut, snortin', whorin' and killin'. In our
regular cartoon, Vic Virus rips through the IBM LAN and totals
their European Software Development Center, putting thousands out
Plus, next month:
- Vietnam: Could America have won with a big Web server?
- The DAEMON! Hit Squad enters Microsoft Corp and promises, "No
one gets out alive!"
- Gerry Daniels weeds out the unachieving members of his staff
and feeds them to his WAIS engine in 16 byte chunks.
DAEMON!, every month
at your newsagent. The magazine for real men -