Big Bubbles (no troubles)

What sucks, who sucks and you suck

Now That's What I Call Ade's Music

Another piece that accompanied a home-brewed compilation. This one contained noteworthy personal faves that were intended to be accessible without appearing too mainstream.

Someone once glanced over my vast array of CDs and said, "Wow, you should operate a jukebox!" It was a nice thought, were it not for the fact that in my experience, very few people would pay to listen to my music. In fact, when they do listen to it (for free), they usually suggest they’re already paying - and the price is too high.

Which is why this lovingly compiled collection comes to you free, gratis, nil doshum - because you’re going to pay when you play it. Moby is not on this album. Nor is Dido, Eminem, Madonna or anyone else you’re already likely to have in your own thirtysomething collection [“you insufferable prole!”]. Nor is anything from the Top 40…any Top 40, ever, even those glorious charts you remember from the halcyon days of youth. Because nobody in their right mind bought this stuff in sufficient quantities for it ever to register as "popular".

Still. You might like something here. And if you do - I’ve got the album. I own the source albums for every single track here. So think how I must feel.

Raspberry Swirl - Tori Amos

If anyone was going to set the female orgasm to music, it would be Tori Amos. Much better than those crap novelty records featuring a woman who will forever after be known only as "that woman who panted and groaned in that dirty French song". "If you want inside the well, boy you better make her raspberry swirl"- either that or her walnut whip.

Infected - The The

Title track from one of the most overlooked albums of the 80s (along with "Floodland" by the Sisters of Mercy). War, money, sexually transmitted disease and trumpet solos - invite Matt Johnson to YOUR next dinner party.

Underneath Your Pillow - It Bites

Starts with a melodic whistling noise before Frank Dunnery laughs and unleashes a bloody huge power chord right through the middle of it. I first heard this on Nicky Campbell’s Radio 1 evening show (back when we ‘ad proper radio!) and was easily impressed by the size of the man’s (volume) knob. Taken from their third, final and best album, "Eat Me In St. Louis". Second best thing out of Cumberland after sausages.

If I Were A Carpenter - Robert Plant

Aw. Y’old soppy get. (From "Fate of Nations" - fantastic album that stands apart from almost everything else.)

Touched - VAST

Allegedly used on the soundtrack to "The Beach", but I couldn’t say as I’ve never seen it. Turn it up when you hear the wailing Islamic bloke.

Super Blaster - Curve

Toni Halliday having wild sex with an army of guitars and a singularly well-endowed (female) bass player.

Polyesterday - Gus Gus

…Or is it jus’ Gus? It wasn’t clear on the sleeve. It’s dance music, Jim, but not as we know it. Jazzy rhythms, off-kilter lyrics, weird Icelandic people.

If I Wuz White - Syl & Jimmy Johnson

When I hear this, I’m convinced, like Michael Jackson, that I’m really black. First heard on Paul Jones’ Radio 2 blues show. Bring me that leather waistcoat and stupid fedora, and lemme show ya how badly white people can dance.

Walking On Air - King Crimson

Most people remember/blame King Crimson for "the first progressive rock album" ("In the Court of the Crimson King") back in 1969. But the band and lineup was changed several times over the next three decades by Robert Fripp, culminating in the "double trio" (two drummers, two bassists, two guitarists) that recorded "Thrak", an album of modern, slightly avant-garde rock, in 1995. Lots of Good Things here, including the drum duet ("B-BOOM") featuring The Greatest Living English Drummer (Bill Bruford) and "Sex Sleep Eat Drink Dream" (the perfect day). "Walking On Air", by contrast, is extremely soothing and warm.

Here I Wait - GTR

Whenever people whose egos become too big for their bands turn their thoughts to solo albums and side projects, they are guaranteed at least one buyer - me. No part time Saturday job or self-indulgent wank piece committed to disc is too obscure for me to hunt out and drop money on. GTR was a brief "supergroup" featuring Steve Hackett (ex-Genesis) and Steve Howe (ex-Yes). It was fab. It sold approximately one copy - to guess who. Then Steve & Steve fell out over who could be the most po-faced about their Art. And eventually, Steve Howe went back to Yes.

Mad Tom’s Song - Bluehorses

Folk/rock, how far can I sink? Bluehorses are far, far better than almost any other folk band I’ve ever detested, even though they sing trad songs with the same OTT Oirish accents and play fiddles in full diddly-diddly mode. Probably helps that the drummer produces and thus ensures that everyone else is drowned out.

Wrong - Lindsey Buckingham

Buckingham was the guitarist, leading light, main talent and most active member of Fleetwood Mac since ‘76. Sure, Stevie Nicks wrote songs, Mick Fleetwood played the drums well, but Buckingham was the only member who was prepared to spend months in the studio to turn their combined crud into godlike genius. I have a weakness for solo albums by star band members (hence all those Mick Jagger records … oh ghod). Lindsey Buckingham’s sounds like all the best bits of Fleetwood Mac (how ironic), of which "Wrong" is a prime example.

Run Through The Light - Yes

One of their chief criticisms levelled at Yes by the unwashed masses is that their lyrics are atrocious, the blame for which is usually laid on Jon Anderson. This is extremely unfair, particularly when you consider that the one album they have made without Anderson - 1980’s "Drama" - also has truly rubbish lyrics. Except on this track. In my opinion. Oops, too much information. This is the track most likely to provoke a "What the f…?" reaction.

Take It Easy, Chicken

Just the best song by the best group ever… once. OK, I admit their second album was … challenging. And their third was … disappointing (or "shite" if I weren’t so biased). But "Take It Easy" was their second single, still a firm live favourite and, in an act of typical Mansun perversity, has never yet been released on any album. Listen to it in the car; accidents involving excessive speed almost certain.

Nothing Ever Goes To Plan - Leon The Pig Farmer OST

Kooky film (Jewish boy invents pig/sheep cross and thus kosher pork), kooky soundtrack (modern musos invent faux-jazz songs). I hate jazz as well as folk so naturally, I love this.