Big Bubbles (no troubles)

What sucks, who sucks and you suck

One Year on ...

How has life changed for us all?

Personally, my life has changed even more than it did when Princess Diana died. In fact, I can’t remember anything before 9/11; I’ve even started counting my age all over again (wish me a happy first birthday).

Immediately after the 11th, I began to comb my hair a different way. I’ve altered my viewing habits, my fridge freezer, my clocks and my floral arrangements. I’ve changed my calorie intake and my underwear; I still change my underwear whenever I hear loud noises, such as overhead jetliners. I’ve developed an aversion to brie (but I’m still ambivalent about raspberries). I sing in the shower and perform short plays on the bus.

I’ve even considered taking a different newspaper.

When I leave my house, government agents silently appear at my side and steer me back indoors, “to protect my essential liberties”. I am able to recognise President Bush for the world-bestriding statesman that he is, rather than the pretzel-choking moron I thought he was; he is truly, to throw his own words back at him in an identical sense, a “man of peace”.

I fight tyranny and oppression wherever I find it, through the medium of online forums. I turn left instead of right, buy regular not large and have stopped biting my toenails. I no longer view dentists as mortal enemies, but greet them as my brothers.

I surf where once I only shuffled.

I changed my friends, my fish, my mind and my wife (twice). I lived as a hermit and spent time diving for pearls in Kuala Lumpur. I avoid tall women in short skirts and seek out dowdy librarians in provincial towns.

Quite frankly, I can’t conceive that my life could change any more radically, unless I am spontaneously turned into a mollusc. Or a journalist.