As part of the film festival broadcasting weekend, Private Eye editor and "Have I Got News For You" teamleader Ian Hislop presented a guest lecture to which the Courier went hoping to find out how to avoid being sued for libel. He gave a talk on Juvenal, the Roman, and also generally credited as the first ever, satirist. This was partly because he had recently completed a television documentary about Juvenal for BBC2 - did everyone at the back get the plug there?
After an interminable, and not particularly satirical introduction, Ian took the podium wearing the same suit he had sported for the previous night's recording of HIGNFY - time to raise your fees, Ian. He commenced to describe Juvenal's work, most of which was probably unknown to a large section of the audience, by way of drawing parallels with present day concerns. In this he largely failed - after all, what possible connection is there between corrupt politicians, bloated aristocracy, greedy merchants and untrustworthy lovers and our enlightened modern society? As Juvenal said, "It's difficult not to write satire". Along the way, Ian worked in several snideswipes at figures such as David Mellor and Aber alumnus Neil Hamilton (s'funny, I have a feeling that Mr Hamilton's name is currently being expunged from UWA publicity material with all due haste); these were often amusing, occasionally cheap and obvious. Certainly Juvenal was unafraid of being graphic in his descriptions of Roman sexual mores (basically that all orifices and phallic objects should be enjoined in any possible combination), nor was Ian afraid to keep returning to them. Overall, his talk was largely entertaining though perhaps slightly too laboured in its studied wit.
The second session, a Q&A with the audience, revealed the "sit down comedian" more commonly seen on television opposite Paul Merton and Angus Deayton. To each question, Ian was able to able to respond with a sharp but easy wit and considered opinion. The first questioner suggested that governments tacitly encouraged satire as a soft release for public disgruntlement. "Iraq doesn't have a free press," pointed out Hislop. When asked if satirists actually lower the tone of political debate and social conduct, he replied, "No, politicians do that on their own without any help from us." Rob asked if he was bothered that he was villified for simply reporting the news as he saw it. Hislop said that it would be hypocritical of him to complain and said that he felt criticism showed that he had struck a nerve. I therefore conclude that I am entirely vindicated in slagging off certain parties in the last edition of the Courier. Ian also revealed that the addition of the word "allegedly" was absolutely no use in avoiding libel cases, "although I haven't told Angus and Paul this yet."
He also related an interesting story from the time of the Falklands war, when plans for an invasion were stolen from the car of a Ministry of Defence official and the press were served with a D notice, meaning that they were not allowed to report the incident. He received a phone call from a senior admiral in the RN: "Look, old boy, about these plans that we haven't managed to lose at all...you haven't got them, have you?"
The informal nature of the session was slightly hampered by the participants having to wait for the radio microphone to reach them; this robbed the event of some of its spontaneity and was frustrating to observe, particularly when a louder tone was all that would have been required to enable everyone to hear. The faffing about on stage with the fixed microphone was even more painful to watch. But this isn't the place to moan about poor organisation; that comes in the last paragraph.
After the show, we managed to apprehend Ian briefly for a couple more questions while he dealt with several eager, sometimes intrusive autograph hunters.
Courier: "If you were in a position to run a particularly good, or a particularly funny story about one of your advertisers, would you do it without question or would you take a good, long, hard look at the advertising budget and think twice?"
Ian: "No question, I'd print it immediately. Fuck 'em. In fact, we have already been in this situation: we ran a Linguaphone ad next to a piece that said 'These tapes are rubbish, don't buy them!'"
Courier: "Did they ever advertise again?"
Ian: "No, but it doesn't matter. Advertising is only a small part of our revenue. Most of the cost is borne by the cover price."
Courier: "That's a very unusual and fortunate position"
Ian: "It is, but if you want a free press, what do you do?"
Courier: "The context of a lot of the questions tonight has suggested that Tony Blair is the next Prime Minister. Do you feel the Conservative government has really blown it and the tax carrot is no longer sufficient inducement to vote Tory?"
Ian: "Well, I've said that Labour would win before and been wrong. It could be that people will go into the booth once more intending to vote for them and then think, 'Nah, for fifteen percent, fuck it!'"
Courier: "You feel we could be heading for another big disappointment?"
Ian: "I really don't know. Everyone thinks the government must topple at any moment, but Major's still there, constantly teetering on the brink without actually going over."
Regrettably, the interview was then terminated because: a) someone else butted in; b) we were all thrown out of the cinema before the film started. Although we had asked for a formal interview, we were told, "Oh, you can catch Ian in the bar afterwards." Bollocks could we, not when he was kidnapped for a private buffet meal. It was particularly galling to arrive at the Festival club and find Mr Hislop concluding an obviously pre-arranged television interview. I suppose the size of their equipment impressed all you media leech organiser folk, huh? Next time, either we get a proper interview or you can whistle when it comes to more free publicity in these pages, capish? That apart, it was an interesting and very amusing evening and the Festival is to be congratulated for attracting such a fascinating and entertaining speaker.
Ade Rixon (allegedly)