…My least favourite phrase in any list of kit-building instructions. At six hours per coat, with two or three top coats, this stage isn’t going to be over by teatime. I feel a pang of regret every time I walk past this unfinished guards van, because it’s a lovely model with some nice markings and I just want to see it running.

The proper way to paint a model requires two coats of Halfords grey primer, followed by approximately a hundred coats of the final colour, rubbing down after each coat with progressively finer grades of Wet & Dry and ending with a gentle caress from a pair of silk cami knickers belonging to an expensive French whore, also wet and dry (that “bang” you just heard was Google switching on an extra data centre to cope with my increased hits).

My way involves a quick squirt of primer and then as many top coats as I can be bothered to do (so that’s about two then), slapped on any old way while watching TV. Needless to say, the results aren’t as exquisite, but you get a train running some time before Christmas even if it looks like it was finished by that dodgy decorator bloke who only gives a mobile number and expects cash. What I should be doing between coats is starting another kit, but I’ve only just cottoned on to this obvious time economy.

Speaking of which, the kits I received really were the gift that keeps on giving. Six months on, I’ve still only finished one of them, with another three in a partial state - and the last only begun this weekend. Don’t turn up at Rhach station, because it still doesn’t exist yet.