To bomb Iraq or not to bomb it?

[Big Words ]

Which way does the (nuclear) wind blow this week?

Will or Gareth? Full fat or skimmed? Gee, so many choices in this modern world... Let's see, last week I liked Gareth and hated Will, and was against bombing Iraq. But now they've blown up a club in Bali, I think I'm in favour of sending Will Young in and bombing Gareth. Or something. Hmmm, how pretty am I today?

It's always funny

[Big Noise ]
until they have a go at the band you like.

Ugh, prog rock dinosaurs, I hate 'em. For no good reason, I'd like to say why:

• Because they're dinosaurs. My dad says being over forty doesn't make someone a dinosaur. What a total dino, man.
• Because I heard Tales From Topographic Oceans once and it, like, made no sense whatsoever and I could feel my mind opening up a crack, and therefore all prog rock is crap.
• Because making songs longer than four minutes is just wrong. Why? Because.
• Because it's self-indulgent, pretentious, (...checks copy of Politically Correct Handbook Of Rock...) "overblown" tosh.
• Oh yeah, and they dressed stupidly too. And err... right, they're dinosaurs. Yeah.

But hey, enough about musicians doing what they want and showing off their creativity, let's talk about the hot new band on the cover of the NME this week. The ones with the totally rebellious music and image, because that's what the record company told them would sell. Or what about this underground spin-off electronica project, it's really unaffected and sincere. Rock on, kids!

(S'funny how people who are probably quite balanced in their racial and sexual attitudes can never apply the same level of enlightenment to musical taste. For those who say, "Yeah, what about all those jibes at Coldplay and Will Young, Ade?" - I was talking about Music. Rrraowww.

As for the infamous Tales...: we've never listened to it properly yet either, but feel its alleged pretension was still most effectively undermined by Rick Wakeman sending out for curry halfway through a live performance at Manchester.)

Me, me, me

[Big Noise ]

Seen on cover of 'Now' magazine:

MYLEENE: My Hear'Say Hell

...What about our's, bitch?!

Things you shouldn't do when

[Big Words ]
Things you shouldn't do when overhearing the neighbours having sex:

1. Applaud.
2. Award points for style, endurance and originality.
3. Compete - this is one short step from wife-swapping and besides, they never brought the mower back, remember?
4. Give encouraging shouts of "Hang in there pal, she's nearly finished!"
5. Pop next door with an oil can "for your bed".
6. Tap on the wall in a syncopated rhythm.
7. Sample the noise, put it against a drum loop and have a massive worldwide hit called "Yes!Yes!Yes!".
8. Enter your loft, dismantle the party wall, climb over, drop through their loft hatch and crouch in a corner of the bedroom with a camcorder. Particularly if they left the light on.

That last one's a real no-no. Case comes up next week.

BB felt strongly that the

[Big Words ]
BB felt strongly that the two boys excluded from Glyn Technology school for making death threats against a teacher should not be allowed to return. After all, using violent, anti-social behaviour as a means of getting your way should not be encouraged. But then we found out that the threats were made against a PE teacher, after which we say: is that all? Let them back in. Hell, let 'em carry their threats out. I mean, where else would they have picked up the message that violent, anti-social behaviour is an appropriate way to get what you want?