I don't have much

[Big Words ]
to say on recent events, as I'm still adjusting my own position on a daily basis (from "Oh god, I don't want to die in a nuclear inferno" to "Yes, string this Bin Lid wallah up by his goolies (providing no poor starving Afghans get hurt)"). However, the humbug detector hits overload when politicians start using the word "democracy" (shades of Stalin invoking "the will of the people"), particularly in the context of "protecting" it. In most cases, substituting the words "oil supplies" for "democracy" will get you a degree closer to the truth. (Remember "restoring democracy to Kuwait" - a place where it turned out there hadn't been much democracy in the first place, unless you equate democracy with wealth - and the people with most of that voted to flee early on.) It is at least becoming clear that Bush and Blair have seen an opportunity to garner public support for the removal of the Taliban - and it's hard to dispute their cause.

The Middle East has been a hornets nest into which the so-called leaders of the free world have been poking sticks for years. A shame that it's the innocents standing nearby who eventually get stung (if indeed, people trading in oil stocks daily are truly "innocent" - but even so).

Odd that "defending democracy and freedom" apparently also means curtailing them at home. Perhaps there's only a limited supply, which has to be rationed out. Forget money and food - donate some of your basic human rights now for the suffering millions in Afghanistan!

For rumour control and some degree of sanity, check the Urban Legends Reference special page.

The JD Wetherspoon pub chain

[Big Words ]

The JD Wetherspoon pub chain, under its "charismatic" and "eccentric" (i.e. mad) owner, has recently given space to the No-Euro campaign on its walls and beer mats. However, the arguments put forward are so feeble that, even though I probably know little more about the euro (than they or you), it doesn't seem disrespectful to counter them with more ignorance.

The six deal killers on the beer mats are:

Unemployment in the euro countries is double ours

And this proves...? Amount of dog shit on their pavements is half ours, so what?

Euro households pay £1900 more tax than British households every year

Overall?! Doesn't this only add weight to the argument that we don't pay enough tax to fund decent public services in this country?

We wrecked the economy last time we tried this with the ERM

Different thing, different time, different government (and a useless chancellor).

We should spend the money on improving public services - not waste it on the euro

But I thought that involved paying more ta...hang on, what money??

We can trade with Europe without giving away the pound

Yes, and the crippling costs won't deter any of the international businesses based here. At least, the ones that are left.

The euro is forever - if you don't know, vote no

What, it's more permanent than the pound?! This is the best one - if you're ignorant, pick a default answer. No, don't bother to become informed. Maybe the Conservative Party should have campaigned with this one at the last election: "If you don't know, vote Tory".

Why don't they just cut to the chase and say:

For a better argument against the euro (although the suggestion that Europe might force us to cut our public spending to match theirs seems flawed), see Gary Younge's column in the Guardian. I don't necessarily endorse it, I just suggest it shows a little more intelligence than that found in the average saloon bar.

Driving

[Big Ego ]
up to Northumberland last week, I noticed that many placenames end in "heugh", which one imagines is the sound made by a Geordie after too many Newkie Browns.

We broke our journey in Alnwick, an "historic market town" (aren't they all? What does the brown sign for Manchester say, "Monstrous shopping mall"?). There is a vegetarian/organic restaurant there, which is apparently something of a novelty in this cattle-rearing country, judging by the amount of celebrity endorsements from tree-hugging luvvies decorating their walls (Joanna Lumley, Terence Stamp, Carol Royale??!). Curiously, they all said something like, "Darlings, simply super to hear about your fabulous venture, best of luck with it, will have to pop in if I'm ever in the area. PS. How far is Alnwick from Hampstead?" Carla Lane noted approvingly that "animals are the only pure thing we have left on this earth" - as opposed to all those rocks and trees that have been buggered up with additives.

Incidentally, the milk came in those little plastic cartons you find in hotel rooms.